Shairon...
It was during one of Pastor Henry’s annual State of the Church addresses a few years ago that Shairon Vandale heard the Lord whisper to her spirit. Pastor Henry had been speaking about all God has done through His people; how He enables us to accomplish whatever He asks of us and how we’re closer to Him in our brokenness. That Sunday morning, “broken” was exactly how Shairon felt as she sat in the pew alongside her husband, Warren.
“I was feeling weak, tired; that the road I was on was too hard and I couldn’t do it any longer.”
It was in the midst of these troubling emotions that God whispered, “Trust me...”
Shairon, a stay-at-home mom to two teenage boys, found herself asking, “Where is this leading?” Trust, even in an all-powerful Heavenly Father, was an incredibly difficult thing to muster up in the depths of the dark valley Shairon found herself in.
The year prior, she had started waking up several times each night and had days where she was overwhelmed with sadness and crying but didn’t know why.
“I went to my family doctor and he told me I had depression. I wasn’t feeling suicidal, so I told him I didn’t and left. Several well-meaning friends/ acquaintances offered advice on what they thought was wrong. I just needed to take more vitamins or exercise more or something like that.”
That fall, a friend of Shairon’s, that she hadn’t heard from in many years, telephoned her unexpectedly. Her friend was in town, being treated in the hospital for depression. When Shairon visited her, it brought back sober memories of being 19 years old and visiting her family member in a psychiatric ward because he was suicidal.
“I was terrified of psych wards,” says Shairon, “and the fact that my friend was in one was especially terrifying, since our family members had the same illness.”
Shairon says she doesn’t remember exactly how things unfolded next, but she does remember sitting at home one day and crying uncontrollably for no reason.
“I phoned my husband at work and conceded I needed to get help. I made two phone calls after that, one to my family doctor and one to a dear friend, who is also a psychologist. My friend, who is such an amazing gift from God, met with me the next day. I will never forget her support, understanding and gentle encouragement. She told me I had an Anxiety Disorder and explained it is called a ‘disorder’ because it disorders your life. She also drew a picture with an explanation that really helped me. I don’t remember the exact picture, but I do remember that part of it represented a nice, neat filing system with everything in its place. The other was like someone had taken a filing cabinet and dumped the contents all over the floor. The second one I could relate to. That was Anxiety.”
Shairon shares that it’s difficult to function when everything is scattered around in your brain like that. On the outside everything looked normal, but she was having difficulty putting thoughts together, making sentences, following conversations and remembering anything. Anxiety was also responsible for her shaking, heart racing and panic attacks that came out of the blue on a daily basis.
“That part of Anxiety was caused by my body’s ‘fight or flight’ response, which sent adrenalin surging through me. When you are being followed down a dark alley, I think that’s an appropriate place for your ‘fight or flight’ response to activate. When you’re out grocery shopping or having coffee with a friend and it activates, it is clearly malfunctioning.”
Shairon’s family doctor diagnosed her with Anxiety Disorder and Depression. She learned that Depression and Anxiety Disorder are “close cousins.” They overlap, and the amount of overlap is different for each individual. Her doctor also explained that Anxiety Disorder is a tightly-wound spiral – it isn’t usually recognized until it spirals out of control, but if you look back, you will be able to see times where it surfaced.
Shairon was put on medication and was also told she would need counselling.
“When I started taking anti-depressants, I was very afraid, but I couldn’t do counselling until the medication kicked in as I couldn’t remember the questions long enough to answer them. The medication was not an instant cure, but it did help tremendously. My ‘blanking’ happened much less often and gradually got better over time, although it did vary depending on my stress level.”
Counselling was also very helpful, showing Shairon old patterns of thought that needed to be worked through.
“I discovered I was very focused on what other people thought of me, or at least what I thought other people thought of me. I set unrealistically high standards for those closest to me and myself. My need for approval from others drove my perfectionism and harsh unforgiveness when I made mistakes. Somehow, I believed to my core that I was a bad person. I believed I was not good enough, no matter what I did. Getting to the root of these lies was key to overcoming my anxiety.”
Shairon says she learned to challenge thoughts instead of just accepting them as true. She discovered the difference between what others might expect from her and what God expects. His opinion, after all, is the only one that truly matters! Shairon also learned what healthy relationships look like and how to relax and take care of her needs without feeling guilty.
“A verse God gave me over and over was Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”
“Different parts of this verse spoke to me at different times in my journey. Trusting God with all my heart was the first part. When you have learned to be self-reliant, highly responsible, and in control (at least on the outside), handing the reins over to trust someone else, even if it is God, is a difficult task. Sometimes I do rather well, other times it sends me into a panic.”
“I don’t have it all together and am still learning to live for an ‘audience of One,’” but through it all Shairon says, “I am choosing to believe He is a loving God who wants His best for me (Romans 8:28) and is therefore trustworthy. I choose to believe that He will make my path straight as long as I acknowledge Him. He reminds me He has never let me down; He loves me unconditionally and is the same yesterday, today and forever.”
These powerful truths are the very things Shairon is now seeking to pass on to others through a new ministry borne out of her own struggle. God led her to start an anxiety support group for teen girls. Although she felt ill-equipped at first, God helps her support these young girls through the emotional challenges which are far more prevalent in their age group than most people realize. Shairon teaches them coping strategies for dealing with anxiety and also walks them through such practices as journaling, setting up appropriate boundaries and evaluating their self-talk – all with a Christ-centred approach.
“God has done an incredible amount of healing in my heart and my life in the past few years,” says Shairon. “He isn’t finished with me yet; He still gives me opportunities to practice trusting and not fearing. It is a difficult journey, but one I can now honestly say I am thankful for. I don’t know what He has in store for me, but I do know He is good.”
Warren....
Like his wife Shairon, Warren Vandale – who has attended Centre Street Church his entire life, knows that prayer is vital not only to supporting a spouse through anxiety, but to every aspect of the believer’s life.
“Prayer is key to life and to our marriage,” he says. And after 24 years of marriage and the raising of two sons, there have inevitably been many occasions when calling out to God has made all the difference!
“There will always be challenges in our lives,” Warren says, but adds that being able to see God at work has been a great joy.
“I’ve had some prayers answered in ways I didn’t want and then seen things work out better than I could have imagined.”
Warren, who enjoys woodworking, squash and disc golf in his spare time, says that a particularly significant spiritual event in recent years was going on an MTO trip to Cuba with his son Braden. God used the experience to draw them both closer to Christ and to each other as father and son. The trip itself was awesome, but Warren says another reason it had so much impact was the fundraising component.
“I sent out many e-mails to friends and co-workers, many of whom do not go to church. It was a good opportunity for witnessing and most of the funds came from non-Christians.”
Warren works for IPSOS as a statistical analyst, and for many years, his gift of working with numbers is something CSC has benefitted from as well. He volunteers his time to serve on the Finance and Audit Committee – a group who meets regularly to oversee the finances of the church and make recommendations to the Board of Governors. In this role, once again, prayer is key. It involves coming to God and seeking His will, direction and strength to follow through with what He asks.
Referring to all the times Warren and his family have faced challenges along life’s road, he says, “We have trusted God to provide what we need and He has.”
Thank you to Warren for his service on the Finance Committee and to Shairon for walking with our church’s young people and helping others who are suffering with Anxiety and Depression. The Lord is using you both in powerful ways!