There is no greater longing in the heart of a person than to be loved and accepted. Ever since Adam and Eve disobeyed God, there has been a void in human heart that only the presence and love of God can satisfy. True love can be found in God alone.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
But HOW do we do that? The essence of the answer is found in verse 5: “Love … is not self-seeking.” When the first couple Adam and Eve sinned and rebelled against God, they essentially removed God from the center of their lives and put themselves on the throne. Ever since then, we are all self-seeking (or self-centered) by nature. That means MY desires and wants, my needs and dreams, matter most.
But God’s love is the very opposite of self-seeking love. Self-centered love is impatient, unkind, irritable, ungracious, envious, boastful, dishonoring, easily angered and bitter. Self-centeredness by its very nature makes you blind to your own self-centeredness. Self-seeking love is the recipe for miserable relationships.
How do we confront our self-centeredness and love the way God calls us to love?
1. KNOW GOD and entrust your life to Him. 1 John 4:7 says, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.” Love is not just something God does; it is WHO HE IS! The greatest picture of love in all of human history is the cross. Jesus was the ultimate expression of TRUE LOVE and selfless sacrifice. Now the Holy Spirit will fill us and begin to transform us into the character of Jesus. Our self-centeredness will begin to fade as we take ourselves off the throne and put Him on the throne.
2. LIVE CLOSE to God daily. True Love that is not self-seeking is experienced only in and through a daily, close relationship with Jesus. As we stay close to Him daily, His fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control will live through us! (Galatians 5:22-23). If we want to learn the language of LOVE, then we need to immerse ourselves with the One who wrote that language.
3. FOLLOW the way of Jesus. He didn’t focus on Himself; He focused on loving and serving others. Philippians 2:5 says: “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who … made himself nothing, by taking the very nature of a servant.”
Bryan Wilkerson defined love this way. “Love is giving yourself for the good of others, even for those with whom you have differences.” Give something that is precious to you. Give financially to a legitimate need. Give your undivided attention to your child. Give a listening ear to someone going through a difficult time. Stop and listen and respond patiently to someone with a question or a need. Volunteer to serve in a good cause.
Extend godly love even to those with whom you have differences or whom you don’t like. You can love them by doing good to them, blessing them, and praying for them. You can’t pray for a person very long and still despise them because you’ll grow increasingly aware of God’s love for them.