Kylee Gray’s Story
Free from Anger
I heard of Freedom Session through a friend and went because I had an anger problem. I signed up after I got into an argument with my husband, and in a state of rage, I threw our espresso machine across the kitchen in front of our one-year-old child.
Sometimes I would just wake up angry, I didn’t know why. I was on edge, a ticking time bomb. If anyone made me feel stupid, unwanted, or not good enough, I would snap. My out-of-control anger was affecting my kids and husband the most. They saw a lot of my anger outbursts and bitterness. The worst was that my anger was making my oldest daughter feel unloved. That brought me back to my own childhood. My mother and stepfather struggled with anger and depression as well. I felt unloved and unwanted as a child because of it, even though I was told every day that I was loved. I was putting my daughters into the unhealthy environment that I grew up in and making them feel the way I had felt as a child.
The biggest breakthrough during Freedom Session was learning that anger is not the problem. Anger was how I was dealing with the problem. The real problem I uncovered was that I believed I was a mistake. Deep down I believed I was not good enough, didn’t belong, had no strengths, and that everyone would be happier if I wasn’t around. I was able to identify the lies of Satan that had become my beliefs. These mostly came from hurtful circumstances in my life. My anger was a learnt, unhealthy coping strategy for the deep pain that was within me. That unprocessed pain had a very negative impact in my life, it was the root of my problem. Each time past hurts would pop up, my beliefs would become more and more entrenched.
Through Freedom Session, I learned the truth that God personally knit me together in my mother’s womb. He wanted me. I am His child, and He loves me. I was never a mistake, for God doesn’t make mistakes. Through this journey, I learnt healthier coping skills and how to process my past and present hurts in a healthy way. I feel calmer and more peaceful. I am still learning and am a work in progress. If I start falling into blaming, justifying, and victimization moods, I can identify it, and choose more readily to get out of those old habits.
Understanding and believing my worth, as well as processing my pain for the last 36 years, has created more loving and closer connections with the people I care about. Specifically with my husband. I feel loved and cared for. I have more grace and understanding towards him. I can let go of the hurt, and I can forgive. I feel like a happier mom and am able to show more love to my children. I still fight the normal frustrations that moms get, but my day doesn’t stay stuck in those patterns, I can get out of it faster. I’m not as easily offended and can handle criticism better. Most importantly, I see my worth and know that my situation or past don’t change that. The truth about who I am in Christ never changes.
People are sinners; people are lost; people are hurt. And like me with anger, we develop unhealthy coping skills to deal with our pain. Hurt people, hurt people. I have taken away many tools from Freedom Session, and I am thankful.